Minnesota 89 Philadelphia 80
Chaos ensued late in the 4th quarter as a hot dog vendor attempted to cut across the court during gameplay. All but three players survived.
Cleveland 99 Toronto 94
The Cavs debuted their new carpeted court. Many players reported difficulty dribbling and several were treated for rugburn, but Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert said the setbacks were "worth it."
Indiana 90 Oklahoma City 86
Fans were outraged when the janitorial crew failed to Windex the glass backboards prior to the game. The ensuing riot left seven dead.
LA Lakers 102.5 Phoenix 99
Lamar Odom's 4th quarter 360-dunk resulted in a 12 minute standing ovation from the capacity crowd. Before play resumed, the officiating crew also awarded Odom an additional half of a point in recognition of his achievement.
Portland 45 LA Clippers 42
The head coaches of both teams met at halftime and agreed they were "not really into it." The arena was silent as the last 24 minutes of game time ticked away into eternity.
Milwaukee 100 Charlotte 87
Prior to the game, Michael Jordan stuck his tongue out, retired several times, starred in a terrible movie, and looked at guys' underwear.
Boston 75 Atlanta 60
A large raccoon found its way onto the court in the 3rd quarter. The players chose to use the raccoon instead of a regulation basketball. After the game, animal rights activists described the incident as "hilarious."
Dallas 178 San Antonio 177
None of the players were messed with in this all-Texas matchup. Tim Duncan had a chance to tie or win the game, but missed two crucial free throws with one second remaining. Duncan later claimed he had been distracted by his remembrance of the Alamo.
Oakland 1 Sacramento 0
Sacramento agreed to forfeit the game if the Warriors would change the name of their location to a real place.
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